Thursday, October 18, 2007

"Sick" Day

I woke this morning with the awful feeling that the past few months HADN'T been just a dream, that my dad was still dead from a massive heart attack, my mom still an anxiety-ridden mess, my sister still living in their trailer with her husband & kids since their house was still unliveable, and my own life still circling down the drain of procrastination and apathy ...

Yep. "Sick" day, if there ever was a need for one.

So I did the chicken-sh*t thing and called the office to leave a message on the answering machine, letting our receptionist know that I would be at home and available to receive calls in case of any emergency.

Then I padded into the living room, laid on the couch and channel surfed through the various morning shows to see what befell the world & Britney Spears in the hours overnight (nothing really big happened BTW), and then crawled back into my bed. With laptop. And a whack of books within easy reach, should I care to read something later.

BUT THEN the phone rang. It was my sister, on her last thread of sanity. My mom called HER earlier in the morning to say she's having one of her "episodes" (dizzy, heartburn, periods of vomiting) and needs help. My sister, who is supposed to be making some big presentation at her job this morning, is going to check on mom before heading to her commitment, but I could tell by the frazzled tone of her voice, that this IS NOT GOOD.


I moved a mountain range away many years ago just to avoid this type of drama which is so prevalent in my family. But with my father's death this summer, I keep feeling like I'm being sucked back into the black vortex of familial chaos.

After I got off the phone with my sis, I called my mom and listened to her litany of woes (sorry, trying *so* hard to remain patient & calm & sympathetic but some days it's really really hard when I know it's all just emotional manipulation on her part). Now I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, teeth grinding, all my *own* problems now compounded by anxiety over what's happening 3 hours away and maybe I need to get up there for the weekend, and how I just want to shut off the light, crawl back under the blankets, and go back to sleep.

Yep. *Definitely* a "sick" day.

— Bonz